Today's Agenda

Carol is going out drinking and carousing with her family today.

Going to see Menopause The Musical. I am so happy for her; I think this is the third time she will be seeing it - she loves it. And she's going with her Aunt Annette, her Aunt Paula and her cousin Ronda - three women with whom she shares a close and loving relationship. Fun crew.

Going to the show, going out to dinner.

Here's what this means for me. Five to six hours of solitude. At a time when I really need it. Really need it.

I worked a show yesterday afternoon. I was snapping at customers. Literally snapping at them. With a cold, condescending attitude. Of course this was a dance crowd. Any show that involves children dancing includes entitled parents - truly obnoxious semi-humans who think everyone at the show is there to serve them humbly, every stupid request, every stupid question, every stupid imaginary problem.

Sorry, assholes - that ain't me.

They have such an attitude; they are truly the worst customers to deal with.

This cannot go on. I am snapping at customers, snapping at co-workers, loudly complaining at every turn, dropping into despair on work days, doing whatever the hell I want to.

Typically the box office at CCA closes 1/2 hour after the show starts. I closed exactly 1/2 hour after the show started because I was screaming inside. Grabbed everything up and stored it in the overnight room. As I walked back towards the desk Robert said "Oh, you didn't hear the announcement?" I said "What announcement?" He said "We are contracturally obligated to keep the box office open for 1 hour after the show starts." I replied "Fuck that" and walked out.

This cannot go on.

Today I am going to try to unscramble my brain. I am going to write, I am going to read, I am going to exercise as much as my body and knee will allow, I will eat healthy all day, I will watch TV and then I will.............. barbecue the gorgeous Delmonico steak Carol picked up for me.

No whiskey, maybe some wine with the steak.

The goal here is to try to climb down from this mountain of anger and despair that is suffocating me.

Temporarily. That's the best I can do for now. 1 Day. 1 day to rest my soul, soothe my mind and calm my nerves. Before I fucking implode.

Unfortunately I gotta work extra hours this week because BossMan is away on vacation. At least there is only one show to deal with, so the chance of dead customers is minimized. But even being in the box office during the day makes a mockery of my life.

I have today. Remember I talked about compartmentalizing? If there ever was a day, today is it. My body must be relieved of the poision that runs through it like a raging river.

I'll do the best I can.