High Heels

I was driving home from work Thursday night - another late shift. As I passed the local high school, kids were filing out. Must have been a play or musical or some event. A teenage girl crossed the street in front of me wearing high heels.
She was not steady in these shoes. Actually quite awkward.
That image lodged in my mind.
Saturday morning I was driving into work early for a change - on the road at 7:00 a.m., listening to The River by Bruce Springsteen.
Powerfully emotional album, moody with feeling. Certain song lyrics and images clicked in my limited brain with the image of the high school girl wobbling in heels.
One lyric was about getting married, getting a job, settling down.
I wondered what that girl was about. Was she testing out the high heel thing to see how the boys react? See if she can get extra attention?
And if so, why?
She might be looking to get a man and may even be looking to the long term to "settle down", but probably not at what the reality of settling down is.
Sounds comfortable, safe, settling down and raising a family. But what it often turns into is sacrificing fun, excitement, spontaneity.
No more boogying in clubs or getting insane. More about paying bills and budgeting and staying home. Forcing your body to do the opposite of what your mind wants it to do.
I doubt that is what she has in mind if she is using those heels as bait.
I prefer to think she is testing her prowess as a woman. Seeing what works for her, what she is comfortable with, so she can express her womanhood in fierce independence.
Another lyric was a guy telling his girl he didn't want their relationship to just fade away.
Again high heel girl came to mind. A little further down the road.
Maybe she makes the right choice, finds the right man, lives an interesting life but time and human frailty and pettiness still takes its toll.
Maybe the relationship just fades, loses its sparkle, becomes routine. On one level life can be maddening in its predictability. It can bore you. It can suck the life out of your love.
I don't think she is expecting this outcome either.
Another lyric said you learn to sleep with the cross you bear. That one made me shudder.
Maybe things don't go the way you planned, maybe a lot of the blame lies with yourself. You get complacent, stop fighting and learn to sleep with the cross you bear.
This is loosely tied together (if it is tied together at all). I guess seeing that girl wobble in heels got me thinking about the choices we make, small as well as large. Choices that affect the image we project, affect our own self image, have some kind of impact on our lives, large or small.
Sometimes those choices become unthinking ruts. You get comfortable with them even if they don't fit, and you just keep doing it.
I hope she gets comfortable in high heels. I hope those shoes project her inner self and power honestly. I hope they are a small part of her grabbing some happiness.
I hope if she can't get comfortable in those heels, that she will try something else. Sneakers. Work boots. Whatever. I hope she keeps trying until she finds what makes her comfortable.
And I hope she gets comfortable with her life.
One more completely random impression from that Saturday morning ride.
As I passed my last route marker just before I begin the inevitable descent to a dead end job, the cemetery at the top of the hill, a guy was just walking into it. It was around 7:30 a.m. He looked over his shoulder at me as he walked towards the graves.
If you are going to visit a graveyard alone, it makes sense to do it early or do it late. It just seems to suit the vibe. I have done it many times and enjoyed the solitude and reflection it inspires.
Anyway, making eye contact like that was unnerving. And I don't really have anything to say about the image or the situation other than to say it felt like it fit right in with the rest of my thoughts.