Am I Fucking Done?

Just got back from the dentist.

Finally installed the Permanent Crown, upper right side. He fashioned the temporary crown about 3 fucking weeks ago. They sent the mold out to the Official Professional Crown Manufacturer at that time. What do they get, like, 30,000 mold submissions a week? Give me a break.

More evidence for my file that the medical community does whatever the fuck they want to do - no regard for the health or convenience of the patient. 

They called me on Tuesday and told me the crown was in and they could see me on Wednesday. I said nope, doesn't work for me, how about Thursday? There was actually a moment of silence as if to imply "who the fuck am I to assert some independence?" Fuck them.

Four and 1/2 months of 2022 have been nothing but crowns, root canals, hormone therapy and knee surgery. I sense a break. An opening.

The next hormone shot is scheduled for July. If nothing else goes wrong I may get some peace in between.

I pray.

Six Days:

Taking some time off from work. Why? Because my knee fucking hurts. It's desperation time, kiddees. I go to work, my knee hurts. I get a day off, I ice it, rest it, and the pain subsides. I go to work, the knee hurts. Sense a pattern here? I have a wonderful job - I typically get one day off in a row. One day. Sometimes I get two when a magical weekend rolls around.

Grabbing me 6 days of peace, love and understanding. Gonna do nothing but knee exercises, ice and rest.

And if that does not do the trick I will not go back to work until I have answers.

But it goes deeper than that.

I need to rescue my life. When I left work last night I was immersed in an overwhelming sense of relief. A 6 day break. But I don't want to go back. I don't ever want to go back.

I have reached the breaking point with the meaningless of my life. 

I need to get the knee straight, I need to lose 750 pounds, I need to get my head straight, I need to get my life straight.

Azidoazide azide is defined as "the most dangerous explosive material in the world."

Azidoazide azide is kid stuff compared to what is going on in my brain.