One of the toughest things I've ever had to deal with.
I am fighting for the Championship Belt. A big, gaudy, ludicrous thing that I can wrap around my waist as I raise my arms high and proclaim myself Knee Replacement Champeen of The World.
I am also making the final push to win at my own life.
The PT told me I am committed to doing the work, and unafraid of pain. No one has ever said that to me before. Because I have skated through life on charm and avoidance.
Feeling differently now. I made this choice, now I have to see it through triumphantly. Because I'm gonna use it as fuel to grab back big chunks of who I am.
Got a lot of time to think right now.
Do you know that I avoid a lot of things that would make me happy? Things that come naturally to me? How fucked up is that? I probably do 10% of what I should do to generate smiles. The rest lies dead on the ground going moldy and attracting flies.
I could run down a list of other shit about me that makes no sense, but I don't have time. I'm a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction.
All I know is that my brain is fucking oatmeal and I don't know why. So fuck it, I'm just gonna kick the crap out of it.
I'm gonna beat this fucking knee thing like a red headed stepchild. Then I'm going to use the strength and clarity I get from that experience to kill the imposter inside me.
Then I'm gonna have some fun.
I wouldn't bet against me if I was you.
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