Pain

 Got me a new knee on Tuesday. Home on Wednesday.

This thing hurts. I mean REALLY hurts. And it's so stiff it feels like it will never heal. There are some things I just can't fucking do.

Here's the theory of rehab - "You think that thing hurts NOW - try these exercises and you will fucking crumble! Three exercises I do make me exhale in pain - sometimes I have to cut it short; the rest are tolerable.

A PT person came to the house on Thursday, put me through my paces. She was encouraging, said my range was better than expected two days after surgery, said the exercising I did before surgery definitely helped. I asked how she knew about that, she said it was in my file. I had told my surgeon about that before surgery. Maybe I will be a knee replacement legend.

After torturing me she said she had high hopes for a good outcome because " I am committed to doing the work, and I am not afraid of pain." I've been married for 46 years - pain is just a concept to me. Kidding! I Love You Carol!

Then she blew smoke up my ass - "You could be using a cane next week." 

No fucking way. I had a good morning today and was encouraged. 45 minutes ago I got up to walk around the house and it was brutally stiff and painful. As if I haven't been exercising for 3 fucking days at all.

I'm just looking for some daylight - one fucking sign that the pain is subsiding, that this will get easier. Right now I'm wondering if this was worth it.

I'll keep banging away. No choice. Can't give up.