A Low Tech Dude

I am a dinosaur desperately trying to keep up.
I spend a lot of time in front of the computer but I use it in the most basic of ways; as a glorified typewriter.
I am not knowledgeable of all the twists and turns and magic available at my fingertips.
Every time I try to do something remotely creative or exciting I get hung up, lost, aggravated and confused. This connects to that, that relates to this, all you gotta do is......WHAT?
Google, Bing, yahoo, all the networks, friends this, friends that. Every time I try to make sense of it or connect with it, something shoots off to the left and I am befuddled.
See that picture of me as a follower of my own blog? I don't even know how I did that. I was trying to find a way to contact my followers so I could thank them for their interest, which I did not succeed at, but I did succeed at making myself my own follower.
It looks silly and now I can't figure out how to delete it.
I'm sure everyone is thinking "Wow, how vain is this guy? He needs to get notified of what he has written so he can read it again?"
The Smithsonian has contacted me and asked me to donate my cell phone when I trade up. This thing is a relic.
So much so that I only use it in dark alleys so people won't mock me.
It is light years away from what is currently available, and the funny thing is even this phone came with about a three hundred page booklet, of which I read three pages.
The goddamn thing can probably exercise for me and I don't even know it. Think of the energy I could save.
I would love to snag a smart phone/handheld computer thingy/amazing magical device. I think they are cool but I would use even less of its capabilities because they offer so much more.
Does that make sense? It does to me.
I imagine these things must come with a companion book the size of the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
It's not that I don't try or don't want to try, it's just that my brain is starting to slow down just at the time when technology is speeding up exponentially.
And I don't have a lot of patience.
I wanted to go WiFi or wireless or whatever the hell you need, to get magic movie downloads from Netflix.
I am a movie maven. Love them, need them, dig them. I love to get lost in a movie.
And the idea of having that library to choose from and to be able to access it instantaneously is the perfect equation for me.
Before its availability I would get so pissed off browsing through hundreds of On Demand movies on cable, 99% of which I didn't give a damn about. I used to say that what I needed was the world's largest movie library and instant access. I need to be in control.
Now it is available and I can't make it work.
I'm going to keep banging away though. I like having all this technology to make my life easier.
The key is to stay married.
Carol has infinite patience. Obviously, she is still married to me.
When I screw up at the computer and can't figure it out, I yell "Carol!!!!!!!!!"
And she fixes it. And explains it all to me.
And then I forget what she told me.