Two Days To Think (Lucky To Shake Bobby's Hand)

I spent the last six days swimming in the cesspool created and maintained by The New Hampshire State Liquor Commission.
Today I am free. Today I can come up for air and actually live my life.
What the hell should I talk about today? I have not written in two days.
When I don't write I disappear.
Today I am re-forming myself.

As I was driving to work one day this week I avoided a turtle laboriously crossing the road. He was already close to the middle of the road. He was not one of those big dudes, he was quite small yet still determined.
It was obviously going to take him quite a while to complete the trip. I wished him well.
And got to thinking.
He was probably thinking to himself "who are the a**holes who put this road here to allow all these cars to go whizzing by, making my life all the more difficult?" Pre the dawn of man, this turtle would have been free to roam as he pleased.
Enter mankind and his life is a crapshoot.
I am guessing that he had a destination in mind. A reason to put himself in such jeopardy. He made a choice.
We are turtles without choice. We are pushed into the middle of the road whether we want to be there or not and before we are ready to handle it. We look to the left and to the right bewildered by the things whizzing by us that could so easily do us harm.
Even worse we do not have a destination in mind. We have not made a choice. Life has made the choice for us.
We begin the trip armed with the delusion that we have made a choice, that we have a destination defined. At some point we realize that we are completely lost. Stranded in the middle of a very busy road contemplating the possibility of getting crushed before we even get close to the other side.
I sadly believe that most people do get crushed before they get to the other side.
And we consider ourselves superior to turtles.

Driving to work yesterday morning and I passed a woman walking around her yard with a cell phone pressed to her ear. At 8:15 a.m. Wasting her life with another meaningless and trivial conversation that she feels compelled to participate in because she has the technology.
Further on down the road I passed a group of joggers. People engaging life, making a commitment on a beautiful summer morning.
Towards the end of the ride I passed a guy walking down the sidewalk with a cell phone pressed to his ear. Actually I was sitting at a red light and I heard him coming. Effectively talking to himself and announcing his arrival.
Watching The Sox, painfully, last night, and noticing all the idiots staring at their hand held devices instead of the field. Texting. Wasting time and brain power and technology. Not participating in the event they paid to see.
It is easy to do this because baseball is slow moving and The Sox suck.
But you still look stupid doing it.
You could never get away with this at a football game. There is too much going on and every play, every game is important.
If you miss something spectacular at a football game while texting, you deserve it. And there should be attendants roaming the stands with blind folds so you can't watch the replay on the gigantic, Hi-def, plasma 3D, clearer than life jumbo tron. Just as you look up an attendant wraps a blind fold around your vacant eyes.
Of course as soon as the attendant walks away you will just dial up the replay on your magical computer/phone device and snicker contentedly at your unstoppable genius.
Living life in replay instead of living life in the moment.

Got to work too damn early yesterday so I sat in The Peace Mobile listening to Leonard Cohen and looking around. It was early. The Booze Emporium wasn't open yet, other stores were closed as well.
I was parked directly in front of a Radio Shack.
As I sat comfortable and content, absorbing peace through beautiful music and intelligent, creative lyrics, the neon lights in the Radio Shack flickered to life. An employee wandered to the front of the store and adjusted the floor mat on the inside of the door and walked away. He had fifteen minutes to opening time.
The image of old timey mom and pop businesses sprang into my head.
Hosing down the sidewalk outside the store, unrolling and lowering the awning above the open air stands, the proprietor wearing an apron, shirtsleeves rolled up. Fruits and vegetables presenting themselves like hookers in Amsterdam windows hoping to be picked.
There is a lot less soul involved in opening up a Radio Shack today. In fact there is no soul involved at all.
That is how things have changed.
Yeah there were crooked merchants back then and rude, ungrateful customers but there was a sense of pride and a sense of community as well.
Radio Shack is staffed with used car salesmen who make you want to take a shower after shopping there.
I use Radio Shack as a metaphor for business in the 21st century.
Ironically the song I was listening to was Closing Time. As it ended I killed all semblance of sensitivity and humanity that makes me who I am, and walked slowly across the parking lot, inserted my key into the door and prepared to participate in the ritualistic opening of yet another day of slinging booze.

Three quarters of the way through my shift, Eric, a sensitive, loving and loved guy and close friend, gestured to me to step outside.
Sitting in a car by the curb was his wife and his daughter.
And his grandson. His first grandchild. Bobby.
He sat in his car seat wide eyed checking me out.
I said hello to the wife and the daughter. I talked to Bobby. By the way I am not one of those people who talks baby talk to kids. I talk to them. Maybe kids wait a while to talk to us because they realize that most conversation is a waste of time. I do my part to smooth out that curve.
Grandpa shook his hand and got Bobby to let me shake his hand.
Standing there in brilliant August sunshine holding the hand of a life that is not even one year in.
It was precious.
Today I am wondering what kinds of things will capture his attention when he gets older. What will his interests be. What will the world be for him, what will life be like for him. What will he do with his life, providing he is lucky and intelligent enough to actually DO something with his life.

Yesterday was quite a day.