Christmas 2022

Rolled out of bed on Christmas morn at 6:45.

I was immediately struck by how quiet the house was. Except for the furious churning of the furnace.

The quiet carried more weight this year because I knew the house would remain quiet all day.

Keith was born in1980. We celebrated Christmas 1980, 1981 and 1982 as a new family. Craig was born in 1983. Since then we have celebrated every Christmas with our sons.

Until 2022. Keith was with Krista's family, Craig was with Amanda's family. A very strange feeling for Carol and me. But inevitable. Intellectually we have been expecting it and definitely did not have a problem with it. We want our kids to be happy. Period.

Emotionally it took some mind adjustment. I went back and forth, up and down, but eventually accepted it. Which is saying a lot because, as you know, I am one emotional motherfucker.

I am not an adult and probably never will be, but there are aspects of being a parent that force me to deal with adult situations. To manage emotions in an adult manner. This was one of those times.

We spent Christmas day with Eddie and Carolina at their house. Just the four of us. It was a quietly beautiful day. We talked, we laughed, had a great meal and a very comfortable visit.

They had the fireplace going, the table set beautifully, the lights turned down - the ambience was perfect.

It drove home the meaning of family for me.  It was a happy day because we were with my brother and sister-in-law.

My brother has been there for me my whole life, minus 13 months. He is 13 months younger than me. That means I had to deal with my parents for 13 months on my own. If he truly loved me, he would have been my twin.

I forgive him.

We broke the seal this Christmas. There will be more Christmasses and Thanksgivings in the future without our sons. That is the way it should be. Amanda's family deserves to spend time with Amanda & Craig, Krista's family deserves to spend time with Krista & Keith.

I am not saying we can just plug Eddie and Carolina into the equation to balance things out. I am saying we are lucky to have the family we have.

All in all it was a damn nice Christmas.

The only difference going forward is that we are no longer on speaking terms with Keith and Craig.