God's Spine

Chiro Man has a God thing going on.

Not a God complex. He's not Alec Baldwin.

Just a God thing. Although I hesitate to use the word just. It feels a little more than that.

When I first get there he goes at me with the tiny jack hammer. Manipulates neck and spine.

Then it is off to Electro Land, the land of electric muscle stimulation. Sometimes one of the machines is immediately available, sometimes not.

If not, you wait. Two chairs sit against a wall facing the room where the jack hammering goes on.

On the wall opposite the chairs is a large poster with a kind of mission statement on it. At least two feet across, three feet down, maybe more. Very large.

It starts out talking about how the Doc is committed to improving people's lives. Then it leaks into a philosophy of indoctrinating children into chiropractic. Says something about how a healthy life can make it possible for them to achieve the potential that God gave them.

Then it gets back to general statements about the goals of chiropractic.

The last sentence says "Dr. David will do his best, and God will do the rest."

It signed "Love, Dr. David."

Normally I would be uncomfortable with something like that. Actually I would be quite amused.

But I want for this to be an occult experience. I want it to succeed enormously, so much so, that it inspires me to get so far outside the parameters of accepted medical wisdom that I begin practicing voodoo with peace in my soul and a grin for the devil.

I enjoy imagining that when they close the doors at night, the staff all get down on their knees, bathed in candlelight and blood and chant "Oh merciful God in heaven, please heal Joe's spine, his neck and his psyche so he can get back to his naturally wicked ways."

Actually I am indulging in poetic license here. It truly is a tad weird to me to have that god stuff on the wall and the "Love, Dr. David" staring at me every appointment.

Love?

But, rather than repulse me like it normally would, it does kind of feed what I want from this experience in a left handed way.

About the Dr. David thing. Nobody calls him Dr. David. They call him Dr. Lewis. He is introduced as Dr. Lewis and all the patients call him that.

I even got sucked into it for a while. But I don't believe in that type of class separation. If I am required to call him Dr. Lewis, then he must be required to call me Assistant Manager Testa.

Now I use no name or greeting whatsoever.

About the two chairs.

I have only had another body seated next to me, waiting, on two occasions.

One was a woman in my age range, the other was a young woman.

I prefer using the phrase "age range" now. It makes me more comfortable. I define my age range as between 30 and 140.

When you have to wait and there is already somebody waiting, Chiro man will introduce you to each other.

I had a great conversation with the woman in my age range. She works with horses and we got into the whole personality/spirituality thing with horses. Also the work ethic.

The young woman sat next to me and texted.

Aside from my hatred of the anti-social nature of texting, and the fact that it is reducing generations to automatons who stare at a tiny screen in their hands who wouldn't notice a goddamn bald eagle if it flew within three inches of their face.................................

I was amazed that this young woman passed up a chance to have a conversation with a wise old owl like me. She should have taken one look at my grizzled, white beard and realized that she could have instantaneously understand the meaning of life through five minutes of chat. Save her a lot of wasted time and pain invested.

Then again my face probably did not register in her brain because it was not reflected in her tiny, little world.

I mean, screen.

It just occurred to me that Dr. David probably loves the texting addiction.

All those permanently bent necks and all.