The Medical "Community"

Been going to physical therapy for four weeks now for the pinched nerve in the neck.

If that is indeed what it is. I have received no definitive diagnosis. Just guesses.

Four weeks of physical therapy and no results. None. Still in constant pain, still sleeping minimally.

The only consistent thing I have gotten out of the two therapists is criticism of chiropractic.

The dude is more aggressive than the woman in his approach to therapy. He twists my head left and right until it feels like my neck will snap, bounces it, pulls and pushes on my arms, stretches my head up from my neck.

As he is doing this, he takes every opportunity to say "I am going to do this. No sudden movements like in chiropractic."

I find this amusing. The head twisting thing is my favorite because it is downright medieval and I am a masochist. He slowly and oh so carefully twists my head as far as it will go. Then he "bounces" it. Takes it back a little and then twists it a little further than where it started.

I can't talk because my chin is shoved down into my chest so he tells me to tap out if it becomes too painful.

I never do. I grit my teeth and exhale slowly. I tapped out once. Only once.

He twists the living bejeesus out of my head and then criticizes chiropractors.

I went to see a chiropractor today because I am fed up with physical therapy. As he interviewed me about the physical therapy, he asked a couple of times "Is that all they did? Really? Did they do this? No? Really?"

With obvious disdain.

Call me idealistic, but I would think the medical community would come together to try to figure out how best to minister to a patient rather than to spend all their energy criticizing each other. The chiropractor should say I can do this for you, the docs should say I can do this for you and then a consensus should be reached. A plan for the best treatment.

We fool ourselves that this country offers the best of everything. That might be true if I was up for a heart transplant, but when it comes to diagnosing and treating something like what I have?

Kindergarten, baby. Kindergarten.

Not once in this process have I gotten the feeling that anybody gave a damn about how much pain I am in, or put any kind of intense analysis into trying to figure out exactly what is wrong with me.

Reminds me of that John Mellencamp song, with a lyrical twist. "No one cares about me, no one cares about me, no one cares about me at all. If I had to guess, it's 'cause they're greedy at best, no one cares about me at all."

It has been over a month now. I believe I have been in pain longer than necessary because the goddamn experts are not focusing on me. They are focusing on their own concerns (insurance and the cozy pharmaceutical relationship) and their competition.

That is heinous.

Dr. Feelgood is happy to jab me with flu shots and tetanus shots and to prescribe blood pressure medication, but getting pain killer prescriptions from her is like pulling teeth.

In all fairness I am going to give Chiro Man a shot. I was on my knees in disappointment today because I am so hungry for relief. I get the feeling there will be no relief tomorrow either. Just a thumbs up or thumbs down for treatment.

By the way, the dude is tiny. If he is five feet tall I am Shaquille O'Neal. Reminds me of the baby doctor jokes on Johnny Carson. A baby doctor. A tiny little baby doctor.

And the goddamn paperwork I have signed during this process and the forms I have filled out. Relieving anybody of any responsibility but me. Reams of paperwork.

Filling out and signing has given me carpal tunnel. The operation is this coming Friday.

Next stop - acupuncture. If the wizards who administer our insurance will allow it. Get the picture? My health is not the concern here. Appeasing the insurance company is.

I am getting strong vibes that I need to drive up to Canada to get the proper care.

Or Mexico.

Yeah, Mexico, baby. The Tequila Protocol.