Not Where I Shall Remain

OK, I am hanging tough.

As tough as I can, anyway.

Had 10 days of peace, love and understanding and they did me a world of good psychologically and physically. Then I plunged right back in to a schedule of 8 consecutive.

Today was Day 6 of eight consecutive at Lompoc. Tomorrow is a goddamn doozy. 8 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. Inventory.

Anybody who has participated in an inventory knows how badly it sucks. And what makes it worse is the phony enthusiasm and "pretending to be having fun" bullshit of some of the inventory takers.

I understand the concept of making the most of a bad situation but what I cannot stomach is blatant phoniness.

Anyway, it's gonna be a tough, long fucking day.

Then I turn right around to work Day 8.

Somehow, and I am proud of this, I have maintained vacation calm. I have not allowed this phony baloney job to wind me up like it did before. I am not feeling out of control stressed, I am not feeling like I should kill myself or anybody else.

But I am not getting enough done. No exercise and I have not applied for a job all week.

From one extreme to the other.

I felt a little forlorn today, moments before I opened the store, when I was still alone. Feeling like I got sucked back in and that I will die a Liquor Commission employee.

But I fought it back.

The calmness within gives me hope. I have not abandoned my commitment, I have just not figured out how to make it work within the framework of this ridiculous schedule.

Just laying a little honesty on you.

That is where I am at on January 26, 2014.

But that is not where I shall remain.