Dear Mr. Gacy

Watched a movie called Dear Mr. Gacy last night.
Very appropriate movie to watch on a dark, cold, snowy February 29.
Story about Jason Moss, a kid who at the age of 19 wrote letters to John Wayne Gacy in prison and ultimately befriended him to do research for a paper he was writing for a college course. Moss told Gacy whatever he wanted to hear that would appeal to Gacy's perversions. The thing became an obsession and led Moss to a very dark place. How delicious.
Turns out Moss did the same thing with Jeffrey Dahmer, Richard Ramirez and Charles Manson, telling each of them whatever appealed to their particular perversions in order to win them over.
The guy actually corresponded with these freaks and met Gacy face to face in prison. Not sure if he met the other killer dudes.
Moss went on to write a book about these experiences upon which the movie was based. He became a criminal defense attorney in Las Vegas. He also committed suicide in 2006 by shooting himself in the head. Fascinating turn of events.
I dig serial killers. The psychology of the whole thing fascinates me.
Years ago I was rummaging around the serial killer section in Borders. I am more embarrassed to admit I was in Borders than to admit I was rubbing elbows with murderous psychos. I planned to read a bunch of these books to get a feel for this unfathomable level of evil. Never followed through.
My interest has been reignited. Just added a bunch of serial killer books to my wish list on Amazon. That should provide an interesting twist to my Amazon profile. 
You are your mind. Your body is just a vessel; fat, skinny, healthy, diseased, pretty or ugly. Your body's job is to carry your mind around. I am not talking about your brain, I'm going beyond that. Your mind is who you are. It is that voice. It is that twisted collection of neuroses, fears, lies and truths, strengths and weaknesses, honesty and self delusion that keeps you spinning around.
How does a mind decide that it would be really cool to rape, torture and kill 33 young men and boys and bury most of them in the crawl space of your house?. Number one in production in the serial killer world. He did this over a seven year period, which is a pretty ambitious work schedule. This is the same mind that felt comfortable dressing up as a clown to entertain young children at public events.
Gacy did not have a pleasant child hood. Neither did Charles Bukowski. Bukowski wrote poetry. Gacy raped and killed men and boys.
What kind of mind can ignore screams, begging, pain filled shrieks and helpless surrender; kill, and then go out and pick up a half gallon of H.P. Hood Butter Pecan ice cream?
The mind was a sharp one. Intelligent and capable of presenting an entirely different persona to friends, workmates and acquaintances. Yet when indulging in his hobby he was vicious, brutal, taunting and coldly cruel.
You see this a lot in serial killers. I'm convinced intelligence is more of a factor than insanity with these guys. Some strange mutated form of intelligence and rationalization.
Think about it. It's tough enough maintaining a "normal" life. Work, family, obligations, schedules, deadlines. Imagine doing that while secretly killing a whole bunch of people. Talk about multi tasking.
What is the meaning of Moss's suicide? Did all the horror he rubbed up against eventually overwhelm his mind's ability to deal with it? Seeping in, slowly marinating and mutating in a mind that was not as strong as his subjects. Eventually destroying him. Ironically he titled his book The Last Victim, which eventually turned out to be true.
A few of Gacy's victims were found in a river near his home. Gacy told police that he started disposing of bodies in the river because he was running out of room in his crawl space and because all of the digging was bothering his chronic back problem. I imagine him explaining this in the same tone of voice you and I would use to explain our decision to switch from Comcast to Direct TV.
I dug the movie and I will soon be diving into my wish list. With relish. I think this research, this reading, the knowledge and understanding I will achieve will be most helpful to me in my drive to improve my life. Especially so in my involvement in and reaction to the never ending job interviewing process.
I will also be looking at friends and acquaintances from a new perspective. Especially if I detect a strange odor in their house.
Come to think of it, my own home occasionally emanates offensive smells. I typically attribute this to an overdue trip to the dump.
I think I'll sleep downstairs tonight.