See Me Feel Me

Seeing life differently requires further review. I didn't hit it efficiently enough.

Numbness equals survival. You have to get numb to make it in this world. We all do it. We all have to do it.
You are numb in your job right now. You feel nothing. Good work. That will get you through your day.
You start a new job everything is new. New people, new responsibilities. You get to know the people, you learn the job as quickly as you can, you achieve numbness. now you are comfortable.
You come home and numb yourself with TV and Oreo cookies. Happy Birthday, cookies. The Sox should give a free bag of Oreos to every single ticket holder on opening day at Fenway.
BUT, if you are lucky, every once in a while you become un-numb. Happened to me a couple of times last year because I was pushing the outer boundaries of Joe-ness.
It's happening to me again. Now. As we speak.
You know its real when you see things differently AND that seeing is accompanied by a powerful emotional response.
Circumstances recently conspired to crush me. Instead, I am rising up on my hind legs like a thoroughbred Arabian horse.
Evil scum have made me stronger.
As I rise up, the view is blowing my mind. The commute has become a painting; absolutely gorgeous filling me with pleasure and peace. Up until about two minutes before arrival at The Booze Emporium.
The view at work has got me dizzy. Looking around the store seeing everything in sharp relief. Thanks to The Scum Who Would Not Grant Employment.
It has become blindingly obvious to me that the NHSLC is not my future. Not no way, not no how. It will do for now, given our diseased economy. But the screwing I recently endured gave me clear vision to the truth. I could never survive in a cancerous organization like that, and I also know that should I ever be allowed a full time position I would never be rewarded for any extra effort, intelligence, innovation or hard work I could muster. No matter what, I would end up screwed in the end.
Anyway I am seeing life differently. Feeling life differently. This is an important step towards evolving. Towards making change.
I wish the hell I was a painter. I would be laying down some goddamn interesting stuff right now.