A Crumbbum AND A Scumbum? I Think Not

Carol likes to keep me in my place, as well she should.

I have not delivered. Over 44+ years of marriage I have earned 50 times less than I was capable of.

This would explain the state of Carol's wardrobe, and the paucity of her jewelry collection.

She holds her tongue; she is aware of my flaming sensitivity and avoids any provocation that would result in my making yet another run to the liquor store.

Sometimes she just can't help herself - she is only human, you know. When I get a bit puffed up, falsely expressing bravado and braggadocio, she cuts me down.

"You are a crumbbum and a scumbum." I hear this once a week.

I take issue. Both? A crumbbum AND a scumbum? Overly harsh.

Crumbbum I can accept. A crumbbum is a man who earns 50 times less money than he was capable of over a lifetime. Shortchanging his end of the marital bargain - "I will do the best I can and take care of you the best I can." That "best I can" shit is the catch - few do the best they can. How can we? We all fall short. Pretty pathetic.

We get tired. Distracted. Disillusioned. Sidetracked. Beat down. Defeated. Fucking lost. You can't keep fighting all the time every hour of every day. It's just too much. Sometimes you just need a drink and a peanut butter sandwich. And then you're off course.

But a scumbum, well shit, man - a scumbum is a vile human.

A scumbum binds his wife to the kitchen table, lights her hair on fire, then puts the fire out with maple syrup. After his tough day at work, of course. And then throws her a narrow-toothed comb.

I have ruined Carol's life passively, but not deliberately. Passively happens. Deliberately is cruel. I did not set out to hurt her. I never wanted to compromise her life potential by poisoning it with my own unrealized potential. I just never understood life. I did not respect or understand the rules.

There was no vicious intent.

Crumbbum I can live with. 

But if she keeps up the scumbum shit, I will have to break out the maple syrup.