I have beat myself up pretty good in here this year.
My intent was to be raw and honest in order to embarrass myself to change.
It hasn't worked, so far. Over a lifetime, I have built up a solid repertoire of personas that auto-respond in any situation. The man of a thousand faces, like Lon Chaney.
I was a baby yesterday. Off the rails over unresponsive apps. This is a facet of my personality I have to obliterate. It is embarrassing and unproductive.
The problem is that I am so weak I cannot build a wall between an immediate infantile response and what an adult should do. A step back. A deep breath. A moment to go from apocalyptic to mature.
I have created a world where time off from work lasts 14 seconds, and time at work lasts eternity plus. So anything that goes wrong on off days is the fucking end of the world. And I am perennially exhausted, so the fuse is short.
These are not excuses. They are fucking bullshit. Adults deal with this stuff; I don't.
That's all I got to say.
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